I just

Normally you can count on me to give you helpful insight into the Lego Community. Sometimes I'm a dick about it, too. But today, I only have one thing to say.

MOTHERFUCKIN' SURF JAMS MECHA!!!

Me and Lego: A Retrospective

Recently Matt of Twee Affect posted a picture of himself taking part in filthy, filthy blasphemy (it involved a Mega Bloks hat, which I also received for christmas at that age, so I don't have much ground to stand on) - I won't post it because it's PRIVATE. Gee. Thus it occured to me; we all have a rich history of being "into" Lego, and a lot of people have shared pictures of themselves as infants/toddlers/children building things on their own blogues and webpages, so why not create one of my own? This thing will travel all the way up to today, though, so scoot up to the screen and be taken on a whirling dervish of a memoir.

 I'm not really smiling.

This is the earliest picture I could find (1996), and no, I actually did not paint the umbrella myself - my sister did it. I guarantee that if it were still around and never got ruined by actual rain, I would be using it to this day no matter what the weather conditions.

 ALSO DO YOU LIKE MY ALADDIN SHEETS.

Behold my pride at building Fort Legoredo. This set is still assembled to this day, and not because of some sense of nostalgia or anything (it was hardly my first set), but because my mother was one of those "If they don't keep the set together then it's wasted" people. Yes, she glued it. The only other time she made that mistake was with a Mega Bloks set, thankfully.

In 1998 my "Tumbling" (yes, "tumbling", which is similar to Gymnastics but without self-esteem) group was selected randomly to perform at Walt Disney World. Naturally, we were privileged to visit the Lego exhibit, which was kind of a big deal for me, as I wouldn't be going to Legoland for another 9 years. Notice the extremely stereotypical Tourist Clothes and fannypack, by the way. My whole family wore those clothes all week.

There's a giant hole here.

KEVOH IS WATCHING YOU

Behold, Brickfest 2006! My very first Lego convention and yes, the one I spent mostly being a giant fanboy and not actually doing any real introductions. Yes, I still do that a little, but it's better now! Right? (Photo not mine, by the way - it's Ry's)

How about that hair, eh?

And here I am a couple of months later with the founding members of ULUG.
How about that hair, eh, Gary?

Brickworld 2007 - I won the "Best Mecha" and the Space Build competition. Notice the Messenger bag, which I stopped thinking was cool about a year later. (Same for the baggy pants and white shoes)

Me and "Teh G.A." propping it up to our "homies" or whatever at Brickcon 09. Will I do a roadtrip again this year? Maybe if Jonesy and Scotty will let me. (maybe)

14 years after the first picture, and here I am working on that one thing I still haven't photographed. I wear that shirt not out of a misplaced hipster attitude (hipsters don't wear their school shirts, I think), but because it's really cold in the basement.

---

AN IMPORTANT POST-SCRIPT

As you've noticed, I haven't been updating much. To combat this, I'm going to add another writer to the Brick Flotilla roster.

The problem? I haven't decided who it will be as of yet. So here's the deal.

E-mail or FlickrMessage me if you would like to be a part of a consumer-oriented ISO 9000 approved workforce ready to face the challenges of the future.

TEAMWORK. SYNERGY. FLOTILLAS OF BRICK.

...and also if you would like to write for Brick Flotilla. Make sure to include some credentials of yours - any writing experience, essays, or just posts in the community you are proud of. 

I'll still be posting here, obviously, but I think it's time I got some new blood as well.

Here's to finding someone good!

Lego Theme Synopses

CLASSIC SPACE is about how people can't get past their overrated childhood.

FUTURON is about Classic Space, more or less.

BLACKTRON is about how Black is the worst color, and also yellow, and red too (if it's transparent)

SPACE POLICE is about how awesome "The Man" is, and also civil-rights-breaking laser cages.

BLACKTRON II is about how White is the new Black somehow.


ICE PLANET 2002 is about that awesome visor piece and taking a dull premise and making it spectacular.

UNITRON is about... monorails?

SPYRIUS is about people who use giant robots, large above-ground moonbases and missiles to run a supposedly clandestine operation.

EXPLORIENS is about... something, I'm sure.

UFO is about aliens who really like Fiber Optics and glowy bits.

ROBOFORCE is about guys who don't wear gloves in space.

INSECTOIDS is about how flagrantly you can ruin good potential.

PARADISA is about the color Pink.

BIONICLE is about how many words you can make up until people start noticing.

EXO-FORCE is about people fighting robots using even bigger robots.

DINO ATTACK is a one-time product that people mistakenly believe is evidence that Lego can, and should, do a modern military theme.

GALIDOR is something I'd rather not talk about.

POWER MINERS is about giving us interesting colors in good quantities as an apology for Rock Raiders.

SCALA is about flagrantly misguessing your demographic.

ADVENTURERS is the reason people won't believe me when I tell them that Lego is currently producing Indiana Jones sets.

SPIDER-MAN is about Lego making my childhood dreams come true for some reason.

BATMAN is about me wondering why Lego won't go ahead and do a Justice League theme and thus make everyone in the world happy.

TRAINS are about a mundane transportation system being really exciting for some reason. (sorry jaster)

AGENTS is about the coolest saturday-morning cartoon concept ever not made into a saturday-morning cartoon.

AQUAZONE is about having a breathing visor that exposes your face underwater.

NINJA is about how Lego apparently hates money because they don't make it anymore :(

Speaking as a Comixer

DISCLAIMER: This post is in no way an insult towards the author of Nerds in Space, but rather a critique of his work.

So through unknown circumstances, I came across a Lego webcomic called Nerds in Space. Apparently it is very popular and liked by many people.

Um, isn't it considered bad to have your back to the camera

I don't get it.

The main draw seems to be that it's a talk show, or something. First of all, the appeal of talk shows (which enjoy success mostly on television, so you know) is that it's an engaging conversation being held between a host we like (and who is funny) and a celebrity / someone well known. These conversations are interesting when you're watching them play out, they're funny and draw you in. Unfortunately, Nerds in Space captures none of that dynamic. The main character is flat, dull, and impartial. Nothing he says resembles anything approaching actual humor, and all the questions sound more like he's reading surveys out of Cosmopolitan Magazine than actually trying to appear interested in the guest.

Here's what an engaging talk show conversation looks like.

This is an example of a typical Nerds in Space conversation:

"Hello, Admiral Someone Else's Sig Fig. How are you?"
"Good. I enjoy being someone else's Sig Fig."
"Well, we're out of time. Stay away from Glorbax 7. Join us next week."

And that's it, really. No real fun dialogue at all. He took pictures of the minifigures, added text in photoshop, and exported as JPEG. You'd get the same experience by browsing the photostreams of the people featured within.

By the way, the "Join us again next week" thing? It's completely redundant (in comic book format, anyway - in TV it's just expected, but I'll remind you this is not TV). When you're doing a comic strip with weekly installments, it's more or less expected that there's more to come.

So to sum up:

-Talk Shows are a Television genre. Unless you are crazy good at dialogue, it's not going to translate well, unfortunately.
-Learn to write real, actual humor. Learn from good sources; I'm talking Yotsuba&!, Groo, Hark! A Vagrant, Dinosaur Comics, Nedroid, Scott Adams, etc.

Oh, and Merry Christmas, Y'all. Hope you got more Legos than I did. (I didn't get any. Actually the best present I got was a Tape Dispenser.)

Uh-oh

And so it happened. Nnenn is finally marking his enemies.

Even after a lack of outbursts from yours truly since a half-hearted attempt to extend an olive branch several months ago, on the thought that he might just actually be a little enjoyable to be around in real-life, his idea of me (and others) "hating him" persists! Truly, someone is taking the internet a bit too seriously and/or personally.

But I like to live like my homeboy Jesus, so tomorrow, I am going to try and walk a mile in his shoes. I am going to live my life... just like nnenn.

And here's how it will go.

My grandmother sends me another e-mail about opportunities in Policework.

-Normal response: Ignore e-mail and go about being a penniless art/english major as planned.

-Nnenn response: "Grandma, why do you hate me? Can't you see that what I'm doing is significant? Being a policeman will be forgotten. It's not a career in which you can make dot graphics and long-winded rants about vague platitudes."

-

My Roommate tells me "You've eaten Marshmallow Mateys for breakfast every day this past week. Why?"

-Normal response: "BECAUSE I FREEKIN LOVE MARSHMALLOW MATEYS YO"

-Nnenn response: "How I eat isn't repetitive, it's creative. I'm trying to find the perfect combination of Marshmallows and Mateys, like Leonardo would have as a serious artist. Leonardo da Vinci ate Marshmallow Mateys, right? Surely Andy Warhol did. The point is, this extremely trivial activity calls for parallels to great artists."

-

While modelling mechs for AT1 Battletech (which is my other hobby), I get some feedback on my work - the guy in charge says "You need to redo this part. It doesn't really look good."

-Normal Response: "All right, dude. I'll get right on it, thanks for the feedback."

-Nnenn Response: "What? Criticism? Haven't you considered that, just like the Midnighter, I've considered EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE WAY this model could look? Stop being so short-sighted. I know what I'm doing."

-

My friend, who is a songwriter, just finished a piece he has been working on for the past 3 months. He plays it for me, and I like it.

-Normal Response: "That was pretty great, I would almost say haunting. Nice job."

-Nnenn Response: (insert the closest approximation of a noise that describes an Exclamation point, a sheepish smile, or monosyllable here)

-

Wish me luck, guys.

Barnicles No More

So it looks like Lego is ending its most popular original franchise! This actually hit me pretty much out of left field.

"Because you have been such an important part of building the BIONICLE franchise and have been among its most valued fans, we are writing to tell you that the six BIONICLE Stars launching in January will be the last BIONICLE sets for the foreseeable future. Beginning in summer 2010, The LEGO Group will debut a new, more flexible buildable figure property created by the same people who brought you BIONICLE. At the same time, we are also expanding the category to appeal to a younger audience through an established third-party property, starting in January."

It's interesting that Lego will still continue the "Throwbots-RoboRiders-Bionicle style Jointed Figures" dynasty, and while I don't really have much interest in it these days aside from the odd piece or simple ball joint, it was one of the things that slowly prodded me back into Lego a few years back. "Biarnicles" are pretty much thought of as kiddie fare now, but considering the alternatives - Clone Minifigure Pedantry and the like - I find the theme to be a much more preferable entry point to the hobby.

(By the way, if you didn't know, that "licensed property" they're talking about is Ben 10, which has.... been the subject of much hair-pulling recently)

Themiations on a Var

In this post, Jordan writes about this MOC in different blogging styles, similar to ones used by Other LEGO Bloggers:

The "I can't be arsed to do research so I'll just flaunt my ignorance" type
This Spaceship by Peter Morris is called "Victoria Viper". It's supposedly based off the "Vick Viper". I'm not really aware of what those are, since there aren't any engines you can use to search for information on the internet, but it is cool-looking nonetheless, if you're into that kind of thing.

The "I won't shut up about how much I don't build" guy
So recently Peter Morris built (unlike me) another Vic Viper, as a part of "Novvember" where people build Vic Vipers (except for yours truly, of course). The color scheme and part usage are all really interesting, and almost make me want to build again, which I won't.

The "Brown Noser"
Peter Morris has done it again. Once more, the god of starfighters has graced our humble cranny of the web with his paradisaical touch, his all-seeing eye of color schemes, his immaculate use of the smoke canopy piece. Tremble at his tenacity, dear reader; for nobody has, does, or ever will match him in his ability to assemble starfighters. Truly, he is a god amongst men.

The "Token 'criticism'" guy
Peter's newest Vic Viper is perfect. Perhaps the lights could look better, but other than that it's Perfect. Also, maybe the cockpit usage is a bit too typical, and those back fins look too plate-ish, but still, perfect!

The "Missed the point" guy
Today Peter Morris built what he calls a "Victorian Viper", but unfortunately it does not look Victorian at all; no steam engines, no boilers, no brown or rivets either. it's as if he built it first and slapped the Steampunk brand on it in a hasty afterthought. Still, it is a pretty good-looking MOC, and would probably do better as a space thing.

The "Not very subtle about my disdain for another theme" guy
While I am mostly a castle head, I had to take a moment to blog Peter Morris's newest creation, a "Vic Viper". I drifted off from the theme after everything started looking "samey" (and certainly not because no-one would participate in my personal subtheme), but Peter proves that Space doesn't all have to be the same thing.

Jordan Neves:
This Moc is pretty good.